sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
