Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
