Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
