We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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