Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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