I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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