just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
