You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Randomize
