Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
