So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
