he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
