My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
