Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
