I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
