just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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