My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
