My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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