i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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