If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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