So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
