Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
