I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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