Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
