i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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