That's intense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
