just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
this hospital has no fireball
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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