I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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