But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize