Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
