Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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