I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
