quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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