i need an iv and a liver transplant
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
