I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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