OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize