He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
