It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
