My pussy is not your playground.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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