my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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