I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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