I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
