You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am midnight drunk by noon
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
