so that wasnt chicken after all
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
