I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.