is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.