I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.