I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."