turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.