Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
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My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO