Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
