that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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