no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
