I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
