My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
