The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
