How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
