Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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