it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
