im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
