I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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