1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
