I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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