took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
