Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
