I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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