o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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