He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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